As I’ve been going gangbusters creating content for DragonflyYou, something odd has been happening.
I’ve been trying to build a foundation of solid, helpful, and supportive information and advice for widows navigating their way through the loss of their spouses.
It’s been incredibly rewarding, and more than a little humbling to remember back to those days filled with pain and anger. I’ve come so far.
But in wading down memory lane, I have finally come to the conclusion that I’m not doing myself any favours.
The timing of all of this - Mid May - has been coincidentally unfortunate.
I never have a huge problem getting through Christmas, his birthday, the deathday. I always take time to remember and love again, but these dates don’t break me.
Unlike, much to my surprise, our anniversary.
I crumble into a useless heap of tears and despair every year. Which I find odd because we eloped - didn’t even have a wedding - and never really went out of our way to celebrate the event.
But now, it’s an event I would much rather avoid, as much as I can’t.
We would have ‘acknowledged’ our 30th wedding anniversary this past weekend.
I’d fallen into a bit of a funk: watching a lot of tv, sleeping in, eating. And basically just a pile of goo on the floor.
I realize now, that I’ve been regressing. I’ve been falling into old ways, and I’m not liking how I feel. The darkness is hovering around me. My energy is waning.
What's really happening here?
It’s okay to visit my grief now and then, to remember. And I know to reserve my anniversary to just wallow in the sadness.
Most of the rest of the time, my grief may rear its head and surprise me; but it doesn’t derail me anymore.
However, lately, with my focus on reliving those old feelings and experiences, it’s been getting easier to slide back into a musty old sadness. And truthfully, that’s okay; it’s okay to feel the bad feelings. But it’s not okay to go back and live there for three months.
It's time to refocus!
And so, with anniversary overcome once again, allowing for some clear sailing for the next year, give or take, while I’ll certainly offer up any great advice and support I think of as I go, I will be focussing more on life after grief.
Which is actually life with grief. Because the grief never actually goes away.
But that doesn’t sound encouraging at all, either.
How about ‘Controlling Your Grief.’
That sounds empowering. But still needs a little belief in fantasy for that to make sense. As if we can control our grief. [skeptical chuckle in background]
How about, ‘Owning Your Grief.’
Ooh. I like that.
Thinking out loud here...
I’m perusing podcasts this morning to try to get a super clear vision for where I want to go with DragonflyYOU. There are a lot of people out there with great support and encouragement to help you navigate your journey through grief. To dissect your trauma. To analyze your feelings.
To heal you. (As if you’re diseased?)
To fix you. (As if you’re in need of repair?)
To get you back to some sense of normal. (As if that were possible?)
But that’s the kicker right there, isn’t it?
‘BACK to NORMAL.’
'New Normal.'
It’s a 21st Century catchphrase.
But that’s not what we’re looking for either.
Because you can’t. Old normal is gone. And it’s never coming back.
New, yes. Normal, no.
What about a new life? A new you? A whole amazing second act that could never have happened without your loss?
You have an incredible opportunity right now.
Nobody knows how you’re going to come out of this on the other side. They’re watching. They’re waiting.
Will you fall apart? Will you be anything at all like the old you? Will you do something crazy?
Hell yeah!!! That!!
Crazy, amazing, exciting!
You can become someone the rest of the world reacts to with a reverent Wow! Look at her!
We can do this. You can do this.
You need your grief to be able to do this.
You need the strength and the courage and the hope that can only come from one source:
OWNING YOUR GRIEF
Because once you’ve got those powers in your back pocket, they set you apart from the rest of the world. They make you more. More than you were. More than you ever could have been.
And - yes, I’m going to say it - with great power comes great responsibility.
So, OWN YOUR GRIEF.
Make it your super power.
Use it to create a life beyond your wildest expectations.
And THAT, is the vision I have for DragonflyYOU.
Enough of the wallowing. It’s time to fly!
